a minute to think

i'm trying to stay focused on at least doing the dishes before i go to work, but it's real hard to keep on task! my husband just popped into the house to kiss me and brush his teeth before going into his interview, and may i say...sometimes i can't believe i got so lucky to marry such a good looking man! today he was wearing a tie and looking gorgeous, i didn't want him to step outside! wow. i don't think i've ever really said it out loud, but he often makes my heart stop with just a glance. heart-stopping husband. i don't think i felt this way when we were dating. not as frequent, anyway. could it be a deeper love/appreciation?

hm. the other heart-stopping person in my life is God. lately, i've been remembering Him churning up the universe in the days of creation, gracefully swirling the waters together, making the pitch of space erupt with stars and galaxies. His thoughts and His wisdom sculpting rivers of mountains, spools of clouds, and splashes of flowers. colors, sounds, textures, beauty never before conceived. perfect. all perfect.

"hallelujah" by tenth avenue north came on, and he said:

"at first I am afraid but not because of fear...
but the Holy of Holies is drawing me near;
Your voice like thunder shakes the ground I'm on.

"So hide my face in the shadow of Your wings, oh Lord
Hide my sin from the beauty here before Your throne

"Hallelujah for the blood of the Lamb that was slain..."

he goes on, but for a moment...oh, somehow i can't shake the grip these words have in my chest. they're stuck to my ribs like roots..that you can zoom from God - beautiful outside of space and time - to God being rejected, throttled by sin, and beaten to death by His children.

yes, we were made for Him, to worship Him, to know and love Him, but the the universe is a gift. our relationship with Him is a gift! He put thought into every leaf and every raindrop and every moment we're alive. He didn't have to make you and He didn't have to make me, but He DID because He wanted to delight in our existence. in this perspective, it's easier for me to accept that He loves me, even when i am convinced i am unloveable. He does and He intends to delight in you and i.

so, when we sin against Him in any way, He still loves, and intends to cleanse us. i think it makes Him brim with joy when we turn to Him - even if it's the millionth time - because of the simple fact that we are turning. seeking Him. looking for Him, knowing that He really, genuinely is the only One who can do absolutely anything with our condition.

so, the bridge of the hallelujah song:

You spread Your hands

and made a refuge for the weak

and blessed the weary, bruised, and broken.

took our sin.

inside Your wounds we hide away.

inside Your wounds we hide.

oops, i have to go do dishes!