a bit of Romans

i was prowling around Scriptures when i ran through chapter six and seven of Romans. it was perfect timing! almost every single - and i mean EVERY SINGLE - time i've run across a passage or two in a day, it resurfaces in an unprovoked sermon that day or the following day. Scripture rarely unfolds before my eyes without having some kind of supernatural shove. for instance, most recently, i let the Bible fall open, and i read what lay before me: 1 Corinthians 9:1-5:

"Am I not free? Am I not an apostle? Have I not seen Jesus our Lord? Are you not my work in the Lord? If to others I am not an apostle, at least I am to you; for you are the seal of my apostleship in the Lord.

"My defense to those who examine me is this: do we not have a right to eat and drink? Do we not have a right to take along a believing wife, even as the rest of the apostles and the brothers of the Lord and Cephas?"

now, as i read this, i just thought, "huh." my mind wasn't really open to anything in particular; i was sort of hunting for a granule of truth for the rest of the day, but i didn't really find anything or "feel" anything that i could use to get me through the next 17 hours. so, i flipped over to 1 Peter and felt obligated to read the introduction written by Johnny Mac. of course, he expounds firstly on the "Author and Date" of the book of 1 Peter. i dutifully marched through, not really certain why. then, i found this quote:

"He was married, and his wife apparently accompanied him in his ministry (Mk 1:29-31; 1Co 9:5)."

i already knew that Peter was married, but sometimes i think the Lord just puts things down in your way to solidify them in your mind for whatever reason. because at that point, it was too crazy to be coincidence that i had just read a passage, and then decided to read 1 Peter's introduction referring me back to the passage i had just read.

even if it's not helpful to me for anything in "real" life, i almost feel like Jesus is letting me know that He's paying attention to me, He goes, "wait, wait, wait! look at this in a different light! how do they know Peter was married? what Scripture do they use to back that up? look at these, Nicole. check it out. let Me show you on our own, and then pull you right back. you'll never look at 1 Corinthians 9 the same way again, because you know that Mark talked about Peter's mother in law. And all the apostles knew Peter's wife because she supported him and traveled with him in ministry. isn't that cool?"

yeah! it IS pretty cool! thanks for noticing me, Jesus! He just wants me to pay attention, so usually it's as simple as, "nicole, honey, read this before you go to work," and when i do, He makes sure that the sermon i listen to on the way to work expounds on it, adds meaning to it. He makes it stick! He is so attentive. it only works this way when i listen, of course. if i say, "eh, i don't want to read anything before work," then i miss out on a little blessing. He's still watching me, He's still close to me, but i'm not in on it like i could be.

so, today, i was flitting around through Romans 6,7, right? oh, it hit me!

it wrapped right around me and eased my worried mind! it screamed, "I WILL FORGIVE YOU EVERY TIME YOU ASK!" and "peace, child!" and "i know what you're thinking. i know what you're going through!" and "i will never tire of you coming to me - ever!" (that part came from a sermon about prayer on GTY.org - johnny mac's latest) and suddenly, i felt useful and understood. the verses are familiar:

"wretched man that i am! who will set me free from the body of this death???"

the commentary is such:

"'wretched man.' in frustration and grief, Paul laments his sin. a believer perceives his own sinfulness in direct proportion to how clearly he sees the holiness of God (YES!) and perfection of His law. 'set me free.' this word means 'to rescue from danger' and was used of a soldier pulling his wounded comrade from the battlefield. Paul longed to be rescued from his sinful flesh."

YES!!! don't you feel like that??? sometimes, don't you just want to SCREAM because you're so trapped inside yourself?? you do the things you don't want to, but sometimes you just give in! you feel helpless!! you cry out and it seems like no one hears you at first?? people all understand this pain, but so does He! sometimes i'm just crying because my sin makes me so miserable. but then, i realize my tears are being directed to the ground, so i lift up my complaint just by turning my face up and crying out, "Lord," and suddenly, i realize He's looking right at me and He knows exactly what i want from Him. forgiveness. and He gives it. and He gives comfort. i am comforted just to know that He sees me. that He's not unaware, not oblivious to my suffering, to the battle raging in my mind and soul. the struggle is so thick, sometimes, and the next chunk of insight really topped it off:

verse, again:

"wretched man that i am! WHO WILL SET ME FREE from the body of this DEATH??"

insight:
"body of...death." the believer's unredeemed humanness, which has its base of operation in the body. Tradition says that an ancient tribe near tarsus tied the corpse of a murder victim to its murderer, allowing its spreading decay to slowly infect and execute the murderer - perhaps that is the image Paul has in mind."

although that's the sickest thing form of punishment (and apt, might i add) i've ever heard of, i feel like that sometimes. i let the infection break through my skin and poison my blood. the Lord has untied me from that body again and again, but i keep finding myself lashing it back on. or, maybe it's not so much that He completely removes it, because we struggle against it all the time, but perhaps there's an (bear with me) inoculation that keeps disease at bay, and slowly makes the corpse of our old self less and less effective, burdensome, and visible. maybe i just refuse to take the medicine sometimes, even though it's sweet relief. all too often, i choose to be stubborn about it, and think my immune system can work me to freedom...even though in my mind and heart, i really really really want the medicine.

heavy sigh. and then there's the last verse in the chapter, right after this one:

"thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin."

and then it leads right into Romans 8. delicious!

"therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh."

He is the One who has saved us, can save us and IS saving us from this body of death! we are rescued daily! shake it off! it's gross! dead bodies are gross! don't wear them, because that's bad for you - take the medicine! haha! i feel better, knowing i have a Savior - a literal Savior. He didn't figuratively die so that i might hypothetically live. He really died so that i can really live. thanks be to God that we have a Redeemer. a Savior. a Rescuer. every time i think of those words, i think of the movie "the Guardian." an excellent film, that when i saw it, all i could say was, "Jesus!" because He went to great, great lengths for me to save me. and you! amen!!!

love you :)